It was a perfect night where you and I sit and laughed together. We ate that delicious nasi uduk with fried tempe that you can’t stop to eat. Over and over again you said that this is the best nasi uduk that you’ve ever tasted so far.
I don’t care. I just like being with you. I just like the fact that you were with me after you got back from work in Sudirman to my campus in Rawamangun. Only for being with me.
I remember that you had promised me when you get your first salary you’ll invite me to Puncak and we will gather a small picnic that you always dream of. The only thing I need to do is sit and look pretty in your parents’ car. That’s all. That’s the whole plan. That’s the whole idea of me loving you back then.
The simple life that I have to wait for 2 fucking years when we were separated by the distance, things that always make me want to give up.
But, I didn’t.
Because you know that I love you that much. Because you know that I never had this bombastic feeling towards someone like I had with you. You knew that.
Day after day when you get busier with work, it makes your intensity got wane. You never call or text me. You never visit me at night ever since.
I miss you, and you knew that.
Then that situation happened. I remember that we promised to watch a film in Cikini. It was a deal after you back from work. At 7 PM. I waited in my favorite library nearby. My heart was pounding nervously. Because actually, this was our first movie date.
I bought two tickets for us. It’s going to be a perfect night. We haven’t seen each other for a while and then we’re gonna watch a film by our favorite author and wrap up the night with a good dinner.
I can’t wait.
I can’t wait to finally be able to see your face again.
To be able to touch your hand.
To play with your eyeglasses.
To smell your cheap perfume that fades with your sweat.
To love you, patiently.
Time passed and I still wait till I know you won’t come.
“Why you are not coming?” I ask.
“Sorry I can’t. Go watch by yourself.”
“Why would I watch this fucking film alone? The whole plan is to watch this with YOU!”
“Why? Why with me?”
“Because I want to and you have fucking promised me.”
You better be joking if you think that it’s not about you.
“I don’t know if it’s a big deal to you. Sorry but I can’t. Gotta go. Bye.”
And that’s the last text you send to me that night. I still watch that film anyway. I cried like shit crazy in the studio. Not because of the story, but because I try to fathom the fact that you stood me up at the last minute. How could you?
A week after, like nothing happened you texted me and asked me to go out. I didn’t reply to that text. Then you call me and ask me why. I reject that phone.
I send you an angry text about how can you treat me like shit whenever we get closer or whenever I wanted to be with you.
You reply that shortly said that you never asked to be that way.
I was silent for a minute, sighed for a bit, and call you right away.
YOU DON’T TALK TO ME THAT WAY. ESPECIALLY AFTER YOU TREAT ME LIKE SHIT AND YOU ALWAYS KNEW THAT I ALWAYS LIKE YOU FOR YEARS.
Why do you treat me like I was special when it isn’t?
Why do you keep promising me that we were something when it isn’t?
I’m not your ego booster. I’m not your second option. You could have been nicer. But you never did.
Sadly, I have never said that. I just blocked you since then. I was so stupid to ever love you that much. You don’t deserve my love.
Never been, and you knew that.
So here we are, and here we remain.
Figuran Djakarta 